She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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