Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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