So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
