I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
