So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
