When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
