physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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