I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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