i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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