I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
