drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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