He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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