Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
