there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
