I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
