We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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