i was born a porn star she said
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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