I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
