Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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