You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
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Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
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Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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