i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
