We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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