you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
