hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
