Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
