so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
