He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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