so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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