shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
