the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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