didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
