I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
