I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
