Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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