the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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