Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I believe in your delicious
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
