Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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