she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
