Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
