Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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