I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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