butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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