I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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