Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
