I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
