dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
