You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
