So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
