Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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