What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
