can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
