Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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