If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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