Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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