you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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