you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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