im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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