if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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