I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
