he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
