Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
