Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
