the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
