and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
