end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize