I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize