if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
