I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
