Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
