thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
