She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
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I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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