Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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