before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
