after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His hands were made for my vagina.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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