Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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