:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
