mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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