Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize