New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
