o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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