Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
