Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
