Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
